What price shame?

To the collection of fools, fraudsters and fanatics that is the the current Labour government, ethics is a place north of the M25.

Whatever the wrongdoing or scandal, nobody has ever done anything wrong and it is 'not appropriate' for the culprit to step down, however serious their involvement. The general rule seems to be 'keep your head down and some worse news will overtake it.' Gone are the days when honour, responsibility or morality interfered with the conduct of a government post.

The latest of these is the appointment by Baroness Scotland, no less than the Attorney General, of an illegal immigrant as a cleaner. If we leave aside the obvious security issues - the lack of - Lady Scotland presided over the introduction of strict laws that are applied in a similar manner to businesses throughout the UK.

We hear from the venerable Gordon that she apologises for any 'inadvertant mistake.' I now confidently expect a good number of ethnic restaurants to try that line with officialdom when they are caught out. However, sauce for the 2009 goose is most assuredly not sauce for the gander. They will pay for their crime.

Lady Scotland was given the clues: the cleaner came from Tonga and her name was Loloahi Tapui. Did political correctness prevent her from asking to see her passport? There is no crime in being born overseas or have a non-traditional british name. However, as a starting point, these are pretty good.

The circumstances of this were such that an immediate resignation was the only decent and ethical course. When we see ministers and officials behaving in such a self-serving fashion, can we be surprised that society progressively adopts a similar stance?

Sir Tel hangs up his Togs

At last Sir Terry Wogan has decided to take things a bit easier and announced his departure from the end of the year.

Well deserved and expected but, nonetheless, a shock for the legion of TOGS (Terry's Old Geezers/Gals) who, for decades, have woken up to that gentle brand of humour that is his own. Terry Wogan is truly unique in broadcasting terms - educated, well read, witty, musical, self-deprecating and most of all, generous in every sense of the word. His ability to see the best in people comes across regularly. When some of us would be showing our curmudgeonly side, Terry sportingly makes allowances. It's an attractive trait and in no small part responsible for everyone feeling that he is on their side, that they can rely on him, that they know him. I have only met him once briefly, at a book signing, but the warmth that he showed to all his followers only reinforced the impression.

He has earned a little more time with his family, a little more time to lie in and, in all likelihood, a little more golf.

Mornings just won't be the same.

To Let - Terrorist Training Camp

Sometimes I wonder if the world wouldn't be a better place without the hordes of highly-qualified and acclaimed 'experts.' Too much education can be a very bad thing; it rots your brain and clutters up the pathways for simple, clear thinking. Not only that, when one expert exhorts one argument, another will inevitably urge the opposite.

On average, of course, they might be about right but they tend to lack the Sybil Fawlty factor - they miss the 'bleeding obvious.'

Gordon Brown is about to come out of summer hiding to 'reassure' the voting public as to why we are in Afghanistan. There is now great discontent amongst voters about the real value in losing so many young lives when weighed against the increase in security for the UK.

It is not our affair to be concerned about human rights there, it is not even our affair to be concerned about democracy - there are many other countries where we ought to be if that were our brief. No, we are told that the fundamental reason for our presence is the containment of the Taliban since they facilitated the encouragement and training of Al Quaeda operatives in training camps on Afghan soil.

Well, it must be me but I reckon they could get around this by doing it somewhere else. Of course, maybe they haven't thought of that and we're safe.

Let's NOT get cosy - Part Deux

The problems of over-familiar computer-generated mails has jolted my memory about one of the worst abuses that I can think of.

I'm talking about the terrible practice adopted by nurses and carers towards older people - that of calling them by their first name without being invited to do so.

At some point the NHS management, Social Services, universities and similar trainers in the private sector adopted as one the policy of telling people that this is what they should do to make people in their care feel comfortable - a friendly service and what could be friendlier than addressing someone by their given name?

Except it isn't. It's bloody annoying, patronising and to somebody over 50yrs, uncomfortable and impolite.

The default pattern to be taught should always be to use Mr or Mrs until invited to do otherwise or to ask 'what do you like to be called?' And if Mrs is not Mrs, she will be quite happy that at least she was addressed properly and offer an alternative!

Let's NOT get cosy

It's been a while since my last blog and I have to take full blame for being a lazy so-and-so. Sometimes I feel like blogging, sometimes a twittering, sometimes - well you get the picture.

I'm compelled to mention that I have just successfully re-arranged the house insurance via the site that sports an annoying, singing, moustachioed irritant and saved over £110. Not much wrong there and, after checking all the details, I must say that I am very happy with the whole thing (and not a bloody meerkat in sight).

My delight has been slightly dented, however, by the prompt email that followed. This opened with 'Dear Tony.'

If you want to really upset me, try calling me by my first name without any invitation to do so. At 59 years old, I was brought up in a world where everybody was treated with respect and addressed properly until invited to be familiar. A younger person would always be expected to use formality and, in the rest of Europe, this is still very much the rule.

Now, I know that it's just a computer algorithm that is assembling the information and pinging off the mail to me but that's beside the point. It took somebody to make the decision that these communications, most of which want to sell me something, should be familiar in tone.

I'll bet anything you like that he/she was no more than half my age and very used to a world which has now thrown away most of the rules. Nothing wrong with that at all unless you want to sell into the large market of baby-boomers and retirees - large and growing.

And that is my main point. What kind of business decision says 'let me potentially alienate a third of my market in just two words?' Only a dumb one.

All the information is present to Go Compare my DOB, title and surname and to politely address me as 'Dear Mr Balmforth.'

I have no intention of being intimate with a computer.

Not Enough Regulation?

Have I gone crazy? Well, yes maybe a bit, but not when it comes to avoiding getting ripped off by people who call themselves tradesmen.

As I get older I seem to get more left-wing. Only until the next election, you understand - and just enough to be sensible about what needs to be touched by the hand of government and what needs to be left well alone.

Successive governments have introduced a swathe of legislation to control matters in the financial world and in so doing have shown how inept and inadequate they were when it came to stopping everything going off course.

Yet for the ordinary person these matters can be largely arcane. What really matters is not getting taken to the cleaners when the boiler needs servicing or when a straightforward plumbing job needs attending to.

Anyone can set up in business and describe themselves as a plumber or a builder or a tree surgeon or any number of other 'trades.' Actually, they don't even have to set up, they can merely call themselves whatever they wish without any check on their capabilities. If you are unfortunate enough to need to call in a 'tradesman,' you can expect to feel more than a little uncertain as to the outcome of the job. You may well be made to feel lucky that they can fit you in at all, lucky that you contacted them (the others are all conmen), lucky that they can do it so cheaply at around twice what you were expecting - in fact, lucky! Despite your luck, you still cannot be reasonably sure that any newly contacted tradesman is actually able to do the job properly.

I have never thought this to be satisfactory and in many other countries it isn't allowed. In TonyWorld anyone wanting to set up as a tradesman would have to register with the local authority, prove their qualification, produce public liability insurance and register with HMRC before being issued with a licence to trade. It is this annual licence that would do most to ensure professionalism and particularly so if it carried a simple grading of the services that the owner was permitted to carry out.

In TonyWorld those services would also be regulated within pricing bands but that could bring about the complete destruction of the free market, they tell me.

Pedestrian Crossing Rage

After a bit of a holiday from blogging and making the most of the lovely June weather, here I am back at the keyboard with a list of niggles to share. Thank you, I hear you all cry.

My immediate gripe, having just returned from a short walk to the local Post Office (oh God, there's more material), is that I had to cross the road using one of the new-fangled Puffin crossings. This is just like a Pelican crossing but with the commonsense removed.

Instead of being able to clearly see a red or green man on the opposite side, now it has been improved by removing it. Yes, there is a green man above the waist-high push-button but, of course, nobody seems to have realised that there will be people standing in front of it and it will be invisible to most.

The authorities say that this method forces people to look at the traffic. Mmm. On that logic, it is one small step to removing the crossing altogether.

So often these decisions are taken by some minor official, impressed by the sales spiel of the commercial outfit selling the system. This is then projected to the minions under his control who dare not point out the obvious to him before finally being rubberstamped as an order. Once the equipment is installed, of course, the user complaints follow and these are brushed aside with any justification that can be dreamt up to protect the idiocy of the originator. Such people tend to be ovine by nature and soon every authority in the country follows.

Before you know it, proving that the earth is flat is easier than getting anyone to admit that a mistake was made.

'Oh no,' they cry. 'You haven't understood what we are trying to do.'

Yes I have.